He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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