I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
