I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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