He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
