My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
