I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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