She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
