You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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