I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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