I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
