He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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