i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
