We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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