So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
