I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
