I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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