guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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