I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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