Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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