i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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