She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
