Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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