remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
