Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
