i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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