I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
