i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
