last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
