two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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