It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
