I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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