i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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