Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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