This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
