I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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