Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
