"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
