He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
