No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
