He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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