paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just high enough for therapy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
