I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
