it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
