it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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