i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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