Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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