a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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