dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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