Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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