All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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