My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
