I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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