Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
