do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
