seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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